The Adnostic

2007 was a big year for me in both good and bad ways. Ups and downs always occur within a year, but this year was especially wavy for me.

Let's start by participating in the Year in Cities. My cities haven't been terribly exciting this year, last year included Tangiers, Gibraltar, and Marbella, Spain, but I did still manage to travel quite a bit. I even achieved Gold status with American Airlines this year, which doesn't get me anything because you need to be at least Platinum to get the worthwhile benefits like free upgrades and Admiral's Club access, but at least it shows that I'm on my way. To something. I think. Okay, the cities:

Los Angeles, CA (where I live)

Long Beach, CA (where I work)

Nashville, TN (where my client is) - I travel to Nashville multiple times throughout the year. I usually only go for a day if I can help it. The layout of the city is still a mystery to me, the only bearings I have are how to get from the hotel to the office, but there hasn't been much of a reason for me to get to know it.
This month I'll be staying for a few days and visiting the Jensen-Inman's in Chattanooga. So there you have it, a reason to stay.

Austin, TX - My second year at SXSW and also my anniversary with Dave. SXSW probably isn't the best interactive conference around, they definitely favor quantity over quality, but the networking potential is invaluable. For me, it’s really about the people I meet, the friends I make, understanding the technologies they're using and becoming a part of their social networks. If I didn't become one with the geeks, I wouldn't have a clue about the technologies and applications coming around the bend.
This year was cut short by my mom getting hit by a car while riding her bike. At first I didn't know how to react. It was the third time she had been hit by a car while riding her bike (the previous accidents resulted in either broken bones or minor injuries) and I was going to be damned if I was going to come home for this. It wasn't until I got a call from my dad later that evening telling me that after hours of surgery they still hadn't found the source of her internal bleeding, that I realized that I should have been on the first plane out of Austin.
It was a long road and she's still recovering, but she's much better now. She gets around with a cane, has started to drive again, is doing more and more things for herself, and I think she's finally peeking out of her depression long enough to come to the acceptance phase. She'll never have the active life that she knew before the accident, but hopefully she'll see the potential in finding new things to make a life with.

Dallas, TX - I went here for research and left as quickly as I could.

New York, NY - I also went here for research, but because I went straight here from Dallas I was able to take some time for myself and explore the city. I spent most of my time walking around so much during the day that I was physically spent by the time evening came around. I did manage to go out for one night when I went to go see John Oliver perform at a little basement club north of China Town. Before the show I went to a little Mexican restaurant, called Barrio Chino, before the show to have some dinner and kill some time before the show, which is where I met Simon, a Brit also on his own and going to the same show as myself. We ate, drank and talked for the rest of the night. He was perfect serendipitous company.
I also managed to get some Christmas shopping done. Mind you, this was in May. I was getting off the subway at Spring St. and noticed out of the corner of my eye that the Cleo & Patek boutique was having a 50-70% off sale. It didn't take me long to decide that Dave's mom needed a new purse for Christmas. Dave considers this to be a prime example of how I work.

San Diego, CA - My first account planning conference. Met a few fellow bloggers and a lot of really nice people, but no one I really felt comfortable with. I'm best with fellow geeks and people I know from regular interactions.
I did manage to meet Gareth Kay, whose blog I've been following for a while, and was flattered to find that he knew who I was and he encouraged me to keep blogging. (My apologies for the lack of posts, free time has been limited.)

Toronto, ON - I had high hopes for this trip. Unfortunately, nothing came of it.

Chicago, IL - I went here twice on research. The first time I managed to overdose on deep dish stuffed pizza and see Millennium Park. The second time we walked through a blizzard to get to De La Costa, a Latin American/Pacific fusion restaurant. The food was great, and the weather was pure Chicago.

Seattle, WA - Bumbershoot! God I love Bumbershoot. One of the best multi-day music festivals EVAR! Keith and Stacie were nice enough to open their home and share their bus passes with Dave and me, which made the weekend financially possible. Highlights - Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Andrew Bird, Golgol Bordello, and as always, the Flatstock poster exhibit.

Vancouver, BC - Spent a lot of time in this fair city because Dave lives there. This year we went ice skating, I snowboarded for the first time, we played video games where Dave always soundly beat me, we went to Lynn Valley, hiked through Stanley Park, walked around the city a lot, visited the Museum of Anthropology, cooked together, and ate at some amazing restaurants. Vancouver is a great town to eat in. If you enjoy food, spend some time in Vancouver - be sure to stop at Guu Izikaya, Havana, Stella's, Habit, Hon's Won Tun, Vij's, Salt Tasting Room, Wild Rice, and SoCial.

Kamloops, BC - More commonly known as "The Middle of Nowhere." Dave's parents live there. We spent Christmas with them and I managed to limit my swearing to a bare minimum. I met Dave's new nephew and spent time on Dave's uncle's farm where I met his grandmother. I also drank too much champagne at dinner but managed to come off positively. Don't ask me how.

So that was pretty much my year explained in my travels, which happened to coincide with a few major life events. To my friends who follow this blog to keep up on what I've been doing, I'm sorry that the tone and subject material has changed so much. Its not nearly as funny and entertaining as it used to be.

Next year more Vancouver, more Nashville, some London (saving up my vacation days for that), and a little bit of Calistoga wine country for my sister's wedding.

Marbella was wonderful. We had an amazing time and although I'm not sure how much of it I will blog about, we did take lots of pictures, which you can see here and here.

One of the nice parts of being in Spain was being able to open a bottle of wine and sit down in front of the TV and take in the Spanish, English, and German broadcasts. I tortured my fellow travelers with a night of Grand Prix Show Jumping until 2am one evening, we all sat down for a sumo tournament another evening because what other opportunity were we going to have to watch sumo (which is particularly entertaining in slow motion in an I-can't-look-away-from-the-disgusting-waves-of-blubber kind of way), but the most entertaining foreign show of all had to be Celebrity Scissorhands.

A bunch of D-list celebrities with two weeks of training cut hair and practice beauty treatments with little to no supervision in a studio/salon located in the BBC 3 building. Where and how they got the people willing to victimize themselves for a haircut was beyond my level of comprehension.

There was one trainee, Steve Strange, former 80's New Wave rocker/bloated heroine addict who was by far our party's favorite. His haircuts were so atrociously bad that he made one poor girl cry and the salon "supervisor" called a haircut a la Steve as getting "Stranged." He would create bald spots with nothing more than a little pair of scissors and a set of shaking hands. You would watch him meticulously weedwack his clients' coifs into submission and be completely unable to look away as you cringe in empathy for the poor thing in the chair as the announcer calmly narrates how it has been two hours since the person first sat down.

It was glorious.

Yvonne can't wait until the American version is eventually broadcast. She's already picking out whom she wants to see be the US version of her beloved Steve Strange. Courtney Love is at the top of her list. I personally would love to see Rob Schnieder give it a go. I think he would funny and level of irony that the sight of him working in a solon would bring to the table would be priceless. Unfortunately he may still have too much of a career to be considered D-list enough for the show.

Just you wait. I'm telling you that it's the next big thing.

Day 2 - Sunday

We started the day with the New Pornographers (minus Neko Case) at the main stage. I really enjoyed them, very upbeat and I thought Case's substitute held her own.

After that it was off to the Bumberella stage for Dengue Fever. Dave was intrigued and slightly skeptical of a Cambodian rock band with only one Cambodian member, but it was right after the New Pornographers and we were able to meet up with two more of Dave's friends, Keith and Staci, at the beer garden. Dengue Fever was one of those bands I had always meant to see, but never got around to it. Funny how I had to go all the way to Seattle to catch a band from LA, but oh well, at least I got there. Dengue was good. I couldn't understand a word they sang, but the melodies were so solid and well executed that it didn't matter.

With two bands down it was time to get some disappointing lunch before we headed over to the Alki room for a reading by another one of my favorite authors, Gary Shteyngart, and, to quote The Stranger, "some Arab chick." Both authors were great, very different, but great and clearly impassioned by their work. Laila Lalami read from her book about Moroccan refugees making the illegal voyage to Spain which was very sad and poetic, while Shteyngart read a passage about an overweight eighteen year old Russian Jewish immigrant about to get circumcised by a group of Chasids that have been paid off by his father, which was very funny and somewhat self-depricating.

After the readings we walked around the art exhibits which were curated based on the themes of technology and craft. We saw a dress that incorporated CDs as sequins (which I would totally wear), a sculpture of a gutted stag with knitted entrails that were drawn out to form a crimson chandelier, and an exhibit on art and self-expression in SecondLife. All of which were very interesting and worth seeing.

Then it was off to the beer garden again to meet up with Keith and Staci and meet another one of Dave's friends, Mike. There was lots of laughing and talking and killing time before Zero 7 on the other side of the park.

We walked over to the Backyard stage with Mike and his girlfriend (I forget her name, but she was really nice) and grabbed more disappointing food for dinner before staking claim to a patch of ground with a reasonable view of the stage. Zero 7 was wonderful. Even though they were competing with Kanye they drew a very large crowd and pulled out a few of the old hits to go along with the songs from the new album. I sang along to "Destiny" while snatching glances back at Dave (totally cheesy, but practically obligatory). We also caught another couple trying to make out on the grass next to us. Sexy music does strange things to people.

For the encore Sia brought out Dancing Matt to do his jig to one of her songs and she even joined in at one point. When Internet phenomena and real life intersects it is completely surreal.

[all photos (except one) courtesy of Dave Shea]

The Zen Master is off having marvelous European adventures without me. Jealous? Me? Just a little. Yes, I wish I was there with him as he speaks to a packed house about the glories of CSS and the mysteries of typography that doesn't come with your MS Word program as my eyes slowly glaze over to the consistency of mud, but Corporate America said "No." This means, my lucky lucky readers, that I have more time for blogging.

While he enjoys the accolades of an adoring public, I get to renew my conversation with the world.

While he delves into the wonders of an open bar, I have the opportunity to openly navel gaze adnauseum.

While he tours the glorious streets of London and Paris, I get to post about my most current, frustrating, and head-banging-against-the-wall, arguments with Gary. (Admit it, you love Gary.)

Who's jealous now? Yeah, that's what I thought and don't you forget it!

I have a budget. Granted, it is a vague budget, but it exists and it is sometimes met, often blown out of the water, and occasionally I get lucky and come in under the wire. Semi-monthly trips to Vancouver, new car payments, and various entertainment expenses have made this later occurrence an even scarcer phenomenon.

During my seven-hour flight of Economy/Livestock Class Hell to and from Boston this past week, I was left with a lot of time to ponder. After exhausting the in-flight magazine, any hope of sleep, and the business related book I had brought, I began to ponder my hair. Mostly, the abundance of breakage points and split ends in my hair. This is what girls do when there is a lack of distraction for an extended period of time. Trust me, this is somewhat normal.

Okay, now I'm going to get to the point, because I do indeed have a point.

I am left with a slight dilemma. Do I fix my personal computer for $300 or fix my hair for $200* this weekend?

If I fix my computer now, I will be certain that I will be able to Skype with The Zen Master during his trip to England next month. In the mean time, my hair will grow longer and less coiffed, my roots will grow increasingly apparent, and my damaged ends will exponentially grow in number because I will be unable to see a stylist for another three weeks.

If I fix my hair now, I will be able to cut off all the damaged ends, fill in my roots, look good for ZM when he arrives on Wednesday, and not feel like a haggard hippie when I go into client meetings. But, because I will not be able to take my computer to the repair shop for another three weeks, there is a slim chance that I will be unable to Skype with ZM during his first few days across The Pond.

No, I can't do both. My "budget" only allows for one or the other. I know this sounds risky and shallow, but I'm leaning towards fixing my hair. I have my work computer to get me through the interim.

* Yes, I spend $200 on my hair. Bite me.

A little while back I was feeling hard pressed for blog material, so I decided to pull a Kathy Sierra and share a bit of expertise concerning something I wasn't particularly passionate about, but I knew was useful and not necessarily common knowledge. I wrote about leather care.

This post generated two comments which ultimately confused me. One from Australia used the contraction (at least I assume it was a contraction) of "relo." Another used two acronyms (once again, not sure about that), "ijwo" and "bwec." My readers were commenting in tongues and I was thoroughly frightened. I mean for Christ sake, it's just leather care!

I sent the comments to The Zen Master, who is both fluent in L33T and obscure technical acronyms, hoping that he could shed some light on this phenomenon. He emailed me back with the search results for "leather, oil, and dominatrix" and the advice that I enjoy the traffic. Apparently Google ranks my blog second for the combination of those terms. Ooops.

Who says sex doesn't sell?!

Dr: Wow, on paper you're quite a catch! You're smart. You're funny. You're attractive. You can be casual, but you can also be comfortable dressing up for a formal event. You come from a nice family. You're athletic. You drink. You dance. You're into all kinds of different things.

Me: What about off paper? Am I completely worthless off paper?

Dr: No. You're just confusing.

Me: Great.

My last therapy session was a little weird. The sessions had been noticeably "dryer" since we got past my first two months and I really felt like we were getting ready to do some serious digging into all the emotional crap that I didn't want to let go of. I'm being quite literal here. We were talking about discussing emotional issues among friends, family, and significant others and I had wrapped my arms protectively around my stomach as like a pregnant woman defending her unborn child.

Freaky.

But that was the session before last. This last session we got on the subject of my parents and my being torn between my wanderlust of wanting to try living in another city and my wanting to be close to my mother and father as they get older and be there for them in their coming times of need. I made this decision after helping my mother put Abby down. It was awful to see my mom that upset, but I was so glad that I was able to be there for her. This subject got me crying again.

I don't welcome the idea of my parents becoming in any way infirm, but my love for them and my desire to do the right thing trumps all personal reservations. Damn righteous upbringing.

After a while I regained control and was able to talk normally again. We discussed a few other things before it was time to leave.

Dr: Well, our session is almost over. You need to find a guy you can share this with, someone who understands you.

Me: [sudden uncontrollable SOBBING]

I mean these were serious water works. Niagara Falls had nothing on me. All those times I cried before were nothing compared to this.

Me: [control regained] Grand finale.

Dr: Where did that come from?

Me: It just seems like I'm asking for the impossible. Where am I going to find someone who understands all of this? Who wants to deal with all of this?

Dr: Well, I doubt he'll get all of it, but he'll get a lot of it. You'll be fine.

Me: [embarrassed giggle]

Like I said, weird.

Kimi and I were at the Cinema Bar after just seeing Michael Wilcox and waiting for the Groovy Rednecks to take over. I'm sitting there somewhat amused at how many people greet Michael with the words, "I'm so glad you're not dead!" You have to really hit the brink for that to be the equivalent of "Hello."

Kimi looks around and says, "I think this is Mecca."

I look around at the male patronage, am confused, and reply, "This isn't Mecca. This is a sparse settlement on the way to Mecca."

After the Rednecks play we head over to house party only to find out that we had just missed Dave Alvin's set. Dammit. I don't know who had taken over, but he wasn't very good, had his shirt open to his navel, and although I am in favor of good manscaping, is waxing really necessary?

While Kimi and I are talking to some friends we turn back to the stage only to find the tallest man in the place standing directly in front of us with his VERY diminutive girlfriend.

Kimi: Where did he come from?

Me: I don't know, but the sex must be awkward.

I scan the crowd and find a lot more good-looking guys than at the bar, but they're all hanging out with their girlfriends and the only guys trying to catch my eye look old and homeless. Suddenly Mr. Manscape doesn't look half bad and that's when I know that it's time to leave. Exit before desperate are words to live by.

I am lying face-up on the floor after having sawed off the lower branches of my friend's Christmas tree, screwing it back into the base, constantly having to remind myself "lefty loosey, righty tighty" every time I switch to a different screw, and feeling decidedly Jewish.

"Leave it to the Jew to set up a Christmas tree," I kvetched. "What is it with you goyem and the trees? Why can't you just get a menorah and light some candles like normal people?!"

Last night Jodi decided to celebrate her birthday by inviting a few friends over, having dinner, and trimming the tree. She said that doing it by herself is depressing and she wanted to keep her birthday small this year, so what could be better than a tree trimming party. I can understand this line of thinking. It seems like most holidays are pretty meaningless without friends and family, which is probably why I don't celebrate any of the Jewish holidays unless my parents are involved.

We drank our fair share of wine and champagne, the tree only toppled over once (I hope I was able to fix that), and I only broke one ornament. Okay, so it was one of the good ornaments, but at least it was only one. The damage could have been so much worse. Pretty good for a bunch of drunks and a token Jew (who was also on the tipsy side).

Once again, jazz-hands. Happy birthday Jodi!

Last night my therapist gave me my first homework assignment. I am to make an effort to be more expressive about my feelings among friends and family. Apparently I suck at expressing my emotions. He didn't say those words exactly, but he did say that I was "really bad" at it. I guess all those years of DIY emotional suppression were a little too effective.

I don't want to go back to the oversensitive sniveling crybaby I was in my youth, but I think he's right; I do need to work on this.

He also suggested that I try antidepressants. Considering my family history and the fact that I can't stop crying every time I enter his office he thinks it's something I should definitely consider. But wait, I thought I was supposed to get more in touch with my emotions? Now I should chemically alter how I think and feel when I already have a piss poor sense of that. I'm not sure this makes complete sense.

Do I suffer from depression? Probably. Does it adversely affect my daily life? Not really. I don't think I am nearly as extreme as other members of my family, but that does not make me immune. Do I think the anxiety related to my depression puts a short fuse on most of my romantic relationships? Yes, but I also think my inability to express myself emotionally has a lot to do with that as well.

Verdict - Hold off on the pills for now, do a little more therapy, start on my "homework," and see how I feel in a few months.

One of the people I work with is a fan of my blog. He reads it semi-regularly and always makes comments as to how much he enjoys my writing "style." I never put much thought into how I write beyond at trying to be grammatically correct and doing my very best to spell correctly. Really, I do try. I am just never very successful. Style? I never thought of style as something you actually make an effort to develop, it simply exists the way your personality exists. You can develop and possibly artificially change it, but it probably wouldn't help much in the long run.

Most good writers write how they speak. Their vocabulary, articulation, and diction are a matter of constant practice both on and off the page. Me? I write how I would ideally like to be able to talk. I have never been very articulate or verbose. I constantly stumble over my own words, mumble, stutter, and have to hope the other people in the room didn't catch my last mangle of the English language. A futile hope at best (especially in project status meetings at work).

I only wish I could speak like I write.

I'm fairly new to this whole blog thing, my first post was just this past April, and the events of the past week have led me to the conclusion that I need to write a few rules for myself....

1) Thou shalt not blog anything disparaging about work or the people thou work with. Please refer to Dooce for the multitude of reasons why.

2) Thou shalt not blog about a person thou art dating until thou art no longer dating said person (and thou better know for certain that things are really over)

3) Never blog angry. Always wait a week.

I have a feeling this list will grow over time.

What I Remember:
- Arriving at the bar and securing a corner chair and couch
- Drinking three very strong tequila martinis
- Opening wonderful gifts from wonderful friends
- Having a great time with all the people I enjoy hanging out with and being very glad that they were there

What I Don't Remember:
- Dancing wildly to Anarchy in the UK
- Half the night
- Jodi, Sandra, and Kim consolidating my gifts to fewer bags so that I could use the now empty bags to puke in
- Passing out
- Being carried out of the bar slung over Mark's shoulder as someone yelled, "Hey! That's the girl who barfed in her gift bag!"
- Puking in another gift bag in Jodi's car and throwing it out the window on the way home because it was leaking
- Jodi helping me inside my house
- Changing out of my dress and into my pj's to go to bed

What Happened the Next Morning:
- Going from fine, to very nauseous, to dry heaving every hour on the hour, until about three in the afternoon
- Calling Jodi to find out everything I "missed"
- Calling all my friends who I wasn't sure if I should thank or apologize to
- Leaving very drawn out rambling messages on said friends' answering services
- Arriving at my parent's house for a little love and comfort and being greeted with, "You look like shit."
- Mom giving me Pepto-Bismol and Coca-Cola with all the bubbles stirred out until I felt well enough to try eating food
- Having to reassure my mother that I wasn't on my way to becoming an alcoholic and that the reason I was so hung over from the previous night was because I NEVER drink like that, EVER
- Telling JDate Guy about the whole evening, finding out that he read the dating section of my blog in its entirety, and being downright shocked that he still wanted to go out with me again

All in all, another great birthday the later of which will hopefully never be repeated. Happy 29th to me!

I just started a new job and moved into a new apartment that doesn't have WiFi. The lady who owns the house has been surviving on dial-up for God only knows how long and I'm not sure what it's going to take to finally get her to make tangible moves towards an upgrade.

Big things are going down in Lauren-Land. I can't talk about it right now because nothing is official yet, but stay tuned.

(And tell the big kahunas holding everything up to get a move on. I have a life to lead!)