The Adnostic

If there's one thing I know how to take care of, it's leather. I've been riding horses since I was five and knowing how to clean and take care of your equipment just comes with the territory. When you think about all the leather products I use on a regular basis, it's a bit daunting. Tall boots, half-chaps, full chaps, paddock boots, bridles, saddles, protective horse boots, girths, gloves, and a bunch of other seemingly mundane items. Heck, even the crop I use has a little bit of leather on the end.

The bottom line is I know leather. How this matters to you, my faithful readers, is that it has come to my attention that many of you don't know anything about leather and this is not good, because leather, when properly cared for, will last longer than you will.

So here's a few bits of advice, which can be applied to any leather product....

1) Water and leather are not friends. Water is leather's toxic friend that is only good in small doses because it saps all of leather's natural oils. So don't use water or water based products to clean leather. Alcohol is even worse.

2) Regular soap and leather are not friends (for the same reason as above, only more so). Use Murphy's Oil Soap. Murphy's is your best buddy when it comes to cleaning leather. It is usually intended to clean hardwood floors and furniture, so you won't find it in the shoe care aisle, but you will find it among the household cleaning products. It's cheap and it works like a charm.

3) There is a correct way to clean leather. Take a clean sponge (make sure it hasn't been used to clean your house with any chemical cleansers), wet it, and squeeze as much water as you can out of it. Apply a dollop of Murphy's to the sponge, work it into the sponge, and then squeeze even more water out of the sponge. The less water you use, the better. Vigorously rub the leather with the sponge until clean. Repeat as necessary.

4) But that nasty bit of whats-it still isn't coming off. Try cleaning your sponge again, use more Murphy's, and rub harder.

5) Um. It's still there. Hmmm. You may need the help of a professional, but as a last resort (and I do mean LAST) try pure ammonia. Now, ammonia is leather's worst enemy, but damn does it clean just about anything. If you do use this, apologize profusely to the leather with a lot of neatsfoot oil afterwards. Same application method - a barely damp sponge and lots of rubbing.

6) Occasionally oiling your leather is a good thing. It's like a spa day for leather. Nice every once in a while, but not every day. Neatsfoot oil is good, but hand lotion will work in a pinch.

Now go forth and be the best damn dominatrix you can be!

Jacque, the lady whose horse I ride every Sunday out in BFE, has propositioned me, and not in a sexual way. She's going to start keeping both of her horses out in Norco, trailering them to Costa Mesa for lessons, and putting the money she saves towards more horse shows with her jumper, Tiger. She asked if I was interested in taking lessons on Katanga with Tiffany again and occasionally another trainer in Thousand Oaks.

Let's see.... ride with a trainer who will teach me at my skill level on a horse who will challenge me as a rider, or keep riding with the ten year olds. Yes please! Take me with you!

I have to talk with Nick and Lisa about this, but I'm sure they'll understand. Lisa knows I'm not improving with her and she can't provide the challenge I need and Nick can't start letting me ride with him on regular basis without a horse of my own, which is a financial commitment I just can't make right now.

Jacque's offer is just way too hard to turn down, regardless of my loyalties.

My sister, the one at the Caribbean vet school, has started her large animal rotation. This means it's time for her to practice her cutting and sewing skills on donkeys, sheep, cows, and horses. Apparently she's doing okay with the sheep and donkey, but she's having issues with the horse and called me for some sagely advice which would hopefully cure everything. Apparently she never got the memo stating that I am not a source for that kind of information, I only give out gloom and doom.

Me: So let me get this straight. There's no one in charge. The horses have no consistent training or handling. The school just sends out a fresh faced crop of vet students in their last quarter and tells them to feed the beasts and pick their hooves.

Leah: Yes.

Me: And she kicked you?

Leah: Yes. What do I do?

Me: Leah, these are essentially wild animals and you have every reason to be afraid. They can really hurt you.

[Strangely enough she found it reassuring to know that she wasn't being a total wuss.]

Leah: Okay, that helps. I'm bringing [fellow student with horse experience] to help me with her tonight.

Me: Good. I never want you handling this horse alone again.

Leah: Okay. I'll bring Tom [boyfriend] out with me from now on. I know I'm going have to do another large animal rotation at my next school [she has to do one more year at a school in the States], is this what it's going to be like?

Me: Most schools in the States at least have someone in charge of their horses and even have a riding and training program. You'll probably also be working on privately owned animals, and you may get a bad owner now and then, but for the most part the horses will be tame.

Leah: Alright. Thanks Beans!

Me: No problem. Just tough it out and keep in mind that this is almost over.

This is my way of telling her that for now she is screwed because whoever is in charge of the horses (and I have little doubt that SOMEONE is in charge) is an idiot and should be castrated for putting these kids in that much danger.

It was all going so well. I should have known it was also going too well.

Jacque, Katanga's owner, pulled me aside the other day after her lesson and began with these tragic words, "I wanted to be the one to tell you this...."

Apparently, Jacque can't afford to keep Katanga in training anymore and is taking him to the same facility as Millbrook's in Norco. I can't say I was happy about the news, but I wasn't surprised either. Jacque and Ralph, both school teachers by trade, had been living the dream for a while now with Katanga and Tiger in training and Sophia busy growing up and getting ready to be put into training in Norco, it was bound to catch up with them eventually. Three horses would make just about anyone short of Veruca Salt swallow hard.

So now I'm horseless. I'm going to give Tiffany a chance to find something else for me, but I don't think she can. She has enough clients that she doesn't need a lesson program anymore, and I doubt anyone at the barn has the need for someone to ride their horse once a week. Especially someone who can't afford to help with the bills.

Money. Money. Money. It all comes down to money.

A friend of mine was riding for free at a barn in Orange for a while. I may see if she can make an introduction, but I'll wait for the dust to settle before I do.

I am one hurting puppy. Katanga served me killer workout yesterday that has left me with a hangover of angry muscles.

My back, torso, inner thighs, and biceps protest every move I make. This what happens when I only ride once a week and expect to do everything with the same vigor of when I was riding every other day. My body eyes me warily and asks, "Are you sure you even want to get out bed, punk? Because it's payback time and we of the skeletal/muscular system intend to recoup."

[Deep sigh] Ouch.

On a bright note, Katanga's owners watched me ride and were very pleased. Jacque wants me to start saving my money immediately so I can begin going to horse shows and showing him in the amateur divisions. A new job I told them. First I get a new job and then I can start thinking about competing again.

This is Millbrook, the angry retiree. Surprisingly enough, this picture was just taken last December by my friend Lucky as a Christmas present for Tiffany, my trainer. I think he held up for only a couple more lessons after that picture was taken and then we just couldn't get him back to 100%.

Well, this is his dedication. Millbrook was one of the best horses I've ever ridden. A real athlete with tons of presence and a great mind. He did whatever I asked of him and never thought twice. The kids always loved to see me make him dance (picture the hippos from Fantasia, large and elegant all at once).
I will miss having a horse that I partnered so well with. He always tried to assume the alpha stance with me, but every so often he would sneak up behind me and nuzzle my ear. I will miss that most of all.

I'll always have cookies for my cranky old man.