The Adnostic

If there's one thing I know how to take care of, it's leather. I've been riding horses since I was five and knowing how to clean and take care of your equipment just comes with the territory. When you think about all the leather products I use on a regular basis, it's a bit daunting. Tall boots, half-chaps, full chaps, paddock boots, bridles, saddles, protective horse boots, girths, gloves, and a bunch of other seemingly mundane items. Heck, even the crop I use has a little bit of leather on the end.

The bottom line is I know leather. How this matters to you, my faithful readers, is that it has come to my attention that many of you don't know anything about leather and this is not good, because leather, when properly cared for, will last longer than you will.

So here's a few bits of advice, which can be applied to any leather product....

1) Water and leather are not friends. Water is leather's toxic friend that is only good in small doses because it saps all of leather's natural oils. So don't use water or water based products to clean leather. Alcohol is even worse.

2) Regular soap and leather are not friends (for the same reason as above, only more so). Use Murphy's Oil Soap. Murphy's is your best buddy when it comes to cleaning leather. It is usually intended to clean hardwood floors and furniture, so you won't find it in the shoe care aisle, but you will find it among the household cleaning products. It's cheap and it works like a charm.

3) There is a correct way to clean leather. Take a clean sponge (make sure it hasn't been used to clean your house with any chemical cleansers), wet it, and squeeze as much water as you can out of it. Apply a dollop of Murphy's to the sponge, work it into the sponge, and then squeeze even more water out of the sponge. The less water you use, the better. Vigorously rub the leather with the sponge until clean. Repeat as necessary.

4) But that nasty bit of whats-it still isn't coming off. Try cleaning your sponge again, use more Murphy's, and rub harder.

5) Um. It's still there. Hmmm. You may need the help of a professional, but as a last resort (and I do mean LAST) try pure ammonia. Now, ammonia is leather's worst enemy, but damn does it clean just about anything. If you do use this, apologize profusely to the leather with a lot of neatsfoot oil afterwards. Same application method - a barely damp sponge and lots of rubbing.

6) Occasionally oiling your leather is a good thing. It's like a spa day for leather. Nice every once in a while, but not every day. Neatsfoot oil is good, but hand lotion will work in a pinch.

Now go forth and be the best damn dominatrix you can be!

My sister and I usually get our father's hand me down gadgets. My Palm Pilot, once his. My sister's cell phone, it has "Dad" written all over it. Our printers, good old Dad. Our computers in college, courtesy of our father's never ending quest for the latest technology. But recently, there has been a break in the pattern of giving and receiving. My Dad upgraded to the Video iPod and gave his old device of audio goodness to my mother.

Wah? My mother?!!! The woman who I had to painfully walk through, step by step, her online shopping experience. My source of life who has 300 unread messages in her inbox, 99.9% of which is junk mail that she voluntarily signed up for. The woman who can barely use her cell phone. My Mom, whom I love dearly, who called me in a fit of desperation while I was AT WORK asking me how to buy replacement china on eBay, gets an iPod. This is so not fair.

What makes it worse is that Mom does not have much use for it. She would much rather damage her brain with right wing conservative talk radio, but there have been times that she has made use of her little white rectangle of joy. These times have almost always been an effort to connect with me through popular music or to simply swoon. As for myself, I just call it torture. This is when she will listen to Il Divo on a continuous loop.

Apparently I am not the only fruit of someone's loins who has to deal with this national phenomenon known as the "mature" boy band. Some progeny have been so unlucky as to have to escort their mothers to an actual Il Divo concert.

Me? I am not nearly so unlucky. I am merely burdened with a mild sense of misfortune because my mother has asked that I get her the new Il Divo CD for her birthday.

What's worse? One Il Divo CD on a continuous loop, or two. There must be some kind of human rights violation here.

For the last three years I have been dreaming about going to SXSW Interactive. When I was living with Ms Jen, she would come home from her Texas whirlwind and regale me with all kinds of stories and pictures of whom she met, what parties she went to, and the interesting panels she attended. I promised myself that when I finally found a job that paid enough money, I would go and see this magnificent spectacle for myself.

Well, last year I found a job in interactive media, booked my trip to SXSWi, found out there was no training budget to support my educational effort, lost said job, found a temp job, couldn't wait to get out of said temp job, found a permanent position with another interactive ad agency two weeks before I left for Austin, and almost fell over backwards when they agreed to cover my expenses for the trip. Did you get all that? Does it blow your mind to realize that this was all within a span of four months?

Here is my not so brief recap.....

Day One:
* Arrive in Austin and spend the day with Jorie.
* Try boba for the first time. Those tapioca balls are a bit shocking at first, but you miss them when they're gone.
* Participate in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Sing-a-long at the Alamo Drafthouse, which is the absolute perfect way to kick off SXSW. Be surprised by how well I remember the songs from an episode I only recall seeing once. It's a little disturbing, but I roll with it.

Day Two:
* Meet up with Jen and a few SXSWi veterans and make a field trip to the Whole Foods Mothership for lunch and the week's provisions. Wine, water, fresh fruit and vegetables, cheese, and crackers. While waiting at the front of the store I give into the temptation of fresh gelato and get myself a small cup in pomegranate flavor. Mmmmmm.
* Head over to a local restaurant and wine bar for dinner before the first semi-official event for dinner and drinks. I meet a lot of people also attending SXSWi and am introduced to the geek practice of tagging. Not the virtual tagging that we all know and love, but "real" tagging. Someone passed around filing labels and a pen and we "tagged" each other. I get "likes younger men" and "I view source." Neither of which is true, but what the hell, right?

Day Three:
* Panels, panels, and more panels. Particularly enjoyed Digital Convergence with David Pescovitz of BoingBoing.
* Have lunch with Jen, Leslie, and a random smattering of testosterone (one of whom was particularly handsome, but stayed as far away from me as possible). Leslie and I scarf down our lunch so fast it would make an Ethiopian cry and run back to the convention center for the keynote.
* Have a wine and cheese party with the Brit Pack and a few honorary members in our spacious suite.
* Go to the Frog Design party, dance a little dance, drink a little free beer, and make a quick social round before heading off to the South by Northwest party.
* Arrive at Iron Cactus and see fellow BlogHer, Grace. I yell at her and she hands me a beer. I yell at and scare the bejesus out of Jason, who only vaguely knows who I am. Inebriatedly flirt with inappropriate men and top the evening off with a shot of tequila. Unwise, but I survived.

Day Four:
* Wake up with a surprising lack of hangover.
* More panels. My highlight - Everyware. How can the ubiquitous web be so exciting and scary at the same time?
* Attend the interview with Henry Rollins and can't get over the giant vein that intermittently bulges from his neck. Hypothesize that this magical massive vein is where he stores his impressive rage.
* Go straight to the Yahoo! party for free food and drink. Apparently I arrived just in time for Dot Com Bubble 2.0. I introduce a couple Brits to the wonders of good tequila and am praised for my knowledge and good taste. It helps to be in one's element.
* Time for the Fray storytelling party, but not before seeing MJ "tag" that handsome gent from lunch the other day. Suddenly all the girls are reapplying their lipstick and going in for the kill. Somehow his recent divorce is mentioned and while everyone else keeps a respectful silence I have the poor manners to audibly cheer. He doesn't leave my side for the rest of the night and I am smitten.

Day Five:
* And more panels. I make a last minute decision to start my day with Cluetrain and it just goes downhill from there.
* I make a solo run to the Whole Foods Mothership for more supplies so that Jen and I can host another wine and cheese party the next day.
* I have dinner with a very large party and fret to Jen about the possibility of not seeing the Zen Master again and not knowing if he actually wanted to see me again. She suggests I text him and it isn't until that time that I realize I even have his number at all. We text each other and I meet him later on with a small entourage in tow.
* We leave as soon as I arrive to go to the Consumating/AdaptivePath/Odeo We Sold Out party. It was a crowded drunken mess and it was wonderful.

Day Six:
* The last day of panels. ZM convinces me to see the Microsoft vs. Apple OS Smackdown and I goad him into seeing the Convergence in Advertising Sales Event. Who knew that his choice would be more interesting? We end the conference with a dark yet hopeful state of the union by Bruce Sterling, and I am left both stirred and touched.
* We have our last wine and cheese party with a much larger crowd and toast Ms Jen for her gracious hosting skills and laugh and talk until the vino runs dry and so we take our party across the street for dinner and more sparkling conversation. Camera phones abound as people record the last of our time in Austin.

It was the perfect ending to the perfect week, and now I can hardly wait for next year.

Thank you Faceless Corporate Entity!!!

I'm taking some time before a client research presentation to hang with Drew.

Me: So when are we having this party?

Drew: I don't know. When people are available, I guess.

Me: Well, ultimately it's up to you. You're hosting.

Drew: That's right. [pause] Wait a minute! I just threw that out there as an offer. I wasn't serious.

Me: Actually, you were serious. Jodi and I had planned to have you host all along and when you offered, it was perfect. You played right into my hands.

Drew: Dammit.

I'm showing off my brand new fashion acquisition of a black, zipper front, embroidered hoodie sweatshirt.

Sandra: It's really nice. [feigning interest, but that's why I like her]

Me: I love it; the only part I have a problem with is the front pockets.

[I shove my hands in my front pockets to demonstrate that they are so perfectly placed, it looks like I'm cupping my boobs.]

Sandra: A man designed that.

Me: There's no other explanation.

Occulator: Wait. Do that again.

A friend of mine, Drew, is moving to South Africa. Why is he moving to the other side of the world? Because it's a darn sight better than Tennessee. You see his company, now my client, is moving from sunny California to Nashville, Tennessee and there was no way on God's green earth that he was going with them. So he's going to their South African division instead. Go figure.

So, it's also time for our little group of alcohol enthusiasts to have another party and I decided to make it a send off for our soon departing friend. We're going to have a "Why Drew Isn't Moving to Tennessee" Party. We're going to have pulled pork, Frito pie, Pabst Blue Ribbon, taters, and slaw, and to top it all off, the source of my inspiration, moonshine in a mason jar from BevMo and Deliverance from Blockbuster. Tell me that doesn't sound like the party of the year!

Drew is so excited about this party he even volunteered to host it at his place. I asked him if he could add to the ambiance by having an above ground pool and a car up on blocks, but that may be considered by some people to be overdoing it. Not me, but some people.

Traif - Hebrew/Yiddish for "not kosher." Includes cheeseburgers, pork, shellfish, and lesbianism.

In this entry I am referring to an Italian seafood stew that I made the other night. Sorry boys. No euphemisms here.

Anyways, I took some minced garlic and parsley, and a chopped bulb of fennel and a chopped onion and softened it all in a large pot. I then took three cans of diced tomatoes, 1/3 cup of tomato paste, two cups of white wine, two cracked and cleaned crabs, and twelve clams and mixed it all together in the same pot. I brought the mixture to a boil and them let it simmer for 15 minutes. Then I added a pound of shrimp, some red pepper flakes, oregano, and basil. Then I boiled and simmered the mix again for 10 minutes.

It turned out great. Very hearty and tasty, but expensive as hell. A nice filet mignon would have been far cheaper, but it did make a lot of food and I felt like celebrating after an enjoyable week at my new job. So it all evened out in the end.

It was also messy. Shelling and eating crab by hand is usually a very sloppy endeavor to begin with, but my experience was compounded by the fact that I had to improvise a shell cracker with a garlic press. Not ideal, but it worked.

Final impression - I probably won't make it again. It was just too expensive. I may break it out if there's ever a boy with a weakness for shellfish who I feel the need to impress, but I would never make it again for just myself.