The Adnostic

My last therapy session was a little weird. The sessions had been noticeably "dryer" since we got past my first two months and I really felt like we were getting ready to do some serious digging into all the emotional crap that I didn't want to let go of. I'm being quite literal here. We were talking about discussing emotional issues among friends, family, and significant others and I had wrapped my arms protectively around my stomach as like a pregnant woman defending her unborn child.

Freaky.

But that was the session before last. This last session we got on the subject of my parents and my being torn between my wanderlust of wanting to try living in another city and my wanting to be close to my mother and father as they get older and be there for them in their coming times of need. I made this decision after helping my mother put Abby down. It was awful to see my mom that upset, but I was so glad that I was able to be there for her. This subject got me crying again.

I don't welcome the idea of my parents becoming in any way infirm, but my love for them and my desire to do the right thing trumps all personal reservations. Damn righteous upbringing.

After a while I regained control and was able to talk normally again. We discussed a few other things before it was time to leave.

Dr: Well, our session is almost over. You need to find a guy you can share this with, someone who understands you.

Me: [sudden uncontrollable SOBBING]

I mean these were serious water works. Niagara Falls had nothing on me. All those times I cried before were nothing compared to this.

Me: [control regained] Grand finale.

Dr: Where did that come from?

Me: It just seems like I'm asking for the impossible. Where am I going to find someone who understands all of this? Who wants to deal with all of this?

Dr: Well, I doubt he'll get all of it, but he'll get a lot of it. You'll be fine.

Me: [embarrassed giggle]

Like I said, weird.