The Adnostic

I made a deal with Hadashi that I would blog this final episode of the Tales of Hollywood story, if she blogged one of her bad dating stories that made me collapse in laughter after an amazing sushi dinner, then I would tell the absolute last installment of the Hollywood series. So here goes....

You can read the back-story here, here, here, and here, but let me give you a little more build up to the situation.....

I wasn't exactly infatuated with Hollywood. He lived in LA, I lived in OC, and we could only see each other about once a week and I preferred it that way. Earlier that week I had interviewed for a job in LA and it looked like I was going to get it. The job was two blocks away from where Hollywood worked. This was when I knew he had to go. There was no way that I could see Hollywood more than once a week. Cold hearted, yes, but there is only so much inflated ego that I can take.

On our last date together, he wouldn't shut up about his brilliant idea to get a chauffer. I'm not kidding. Every other sentence was about how great it would be to have a chauffer. Oh yes, he definitely had to go. There was no way in Hell that I could date a guy with a chauffer and a swollen ego. It was just too much.

I spent the night (and yes, I slept with him) (Why? I hadn't had sex in over 6 months.) (6 months is a very long time.) and woke up early the next morning to meet some friends for lunch in San Juan Capistrano. This was when I finally saw his spacious 1920's apartment in the light of day.

I was getting dressed after taking a shower and he asked me how I liked my bathing experience. He had just installed a new showerhead and was looking for emphatic accolades.

Me: Eh, it was all right.

HW: Fine. All right. Okay. Why isn't anything "great" with you?

Me: You want to know why? Fine. Your place is disgusting. I know that you're really excited about getting a chauffer, but what you really need is a maid.
- There is mold growing all over your shower.
- You have no trashcan in your bathroom.
- There are spent toilet paper rolls all over your bathroom floor.
- There are wet dirty clothes in your bathtub.
- There is a pile of trash up to the ceiling in your mudroom.
- I'm not sure I even want to know when the last time you swept was.
- Is that.... is that a roach?

HW: No! It can't be.

Me: [I walk over to check it out] Okay, it's a dried up moth, but that still doesn't take away from my point. Your place is GROSS!

HW: All right. I'll get a maid.

I left not long after that, never to return.

I told a little bit of the story to Gary a few weeks later. Afterwards he complained about having to see a chick-flick with his girlfriend.

Me: The things people will do for regular sex.

Gary: Yeah. Some people won't even clean.

Bastard.

[Moral of the story - Guys, clean your place or hire a maid. Don't make us poor girls long to be doused in disinfectant after a sleepover.]

Your turn Hadashi.