The Adnostic

Vincent Gallo, musician, independent film actor/writer/producer, and all around freak, has decided to contribute to all (rich) female kind by selling his sperm for $1 million. Goody.

Mr. Gallo is 5'11" and has blue eyes. There are no known genetic deformities in his ancestry (no cripples) and no history of congenital diseases. If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it's a boy. (8 inches if he's like his father.) I don't know exactly how a well hung father can enhance the physical makeup of a female baby, but it can't hurt.

Wow, 8 inches? Can I get that on layaway? But wait, there's more! Special preference for members of the tribe!

Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar.

Would that mean I get the $50,000 discount AND the option of a free "natural insemination?" It's hard for a JAP like me to resist a sweet bargain like that. Now, about that layaway and hell freezing over....