The Adnostic

I saw two shrinks today in hopes of finding one I really clicked with, and unfortunately for my decision making process, they were both good. Nice, but not too nice. Probing, but not invasive. I also didn't realize how much I needed some serious head shrinkage.

With Dr. #1, I basically sat down, tried to calmly discuss my reasons for being there, and immediately started bawling. I don't mean I cried for a few minutes, stopped, collected myself and moved forward with resolve. I mean I cried almost the entire time. I was a delirious mess. We talked about my past relationships, I sobbed. We talked about my family, more sobbing. We discussed my formative school years and early therapy, I could barely speak between honking nose blows. The only time I was able to show any serenity is when we talked about work. No unaddressed emotional issues here. Picture of health, can't you tell?

He seemed to be sympathetic to the tears, but not overwhelmed. Which is good, because I think it's going to be a while before I can get through a session without a box of tissues at my side. On an up note, he said it was good that I was bringing so much emotion to the session and that I was able to talk openly about how I was feeling and the issues at hand. It made me a good candidate for therapy.

Fabulous. I am a wreck, but at least I am not beyond repair. In insurance terms, this means I'm not totaled.

I was a lot lighter on the uncontrollable sobbing for Dr. #2, which may have been because I had gotten a lot of it out with Dr. #1, but it was still pretty much the same story:

Start talking about the break up, tears.
Talk about my family, more tears.
Discuss my early school years, still leaking.

Dr. #2 was a bit more linear than Dr. #1 and also let me know that my feelings of insecurity were normal, but that my decision to try therapy was a good one. So, the same diagnosis - Damaged, but fixable. He was also a little freer with his own thoughts.

Now I need to make a decision between the two doctors. I'll have to talk to a few friends and see what they have to say.