The Adnostic

since my last confession, and you're probably dying to know what that last post was about. I had good reason; I was busy with work and having a social life (yes, a real social life, not one of those fake ones).

Okay, so here goes. I called JDate Guy after helping a friend of mine clean her house for the realtors coming the next day, for no specific reason, just to say "hi" and chat. We talked for a while about nothing important, but it was still a great conversation because there weren't any awkward pauses or moments of boredom. It was one of those phone calls I rarely have with a significant other that just made me feel good about the chemistry between him and I.

At the end, we were saying our goodbyes and he slipped up with, "Goodnight Sweetie. Uh, I mean Lauren! Goodnight Lauren!" He is now well aware of my hatred of pet names, but old habits die hard. I took this as an opportunity call him by a few sickeningly sweet terms of endearment, "Goodnight Pookie! Love ya, Pooh Bear!" I stopped myself halfway through that last exclamation, but not before the dreaded words of "Love ya" had already been uttered with misappropriated glee. I then got off the phone as quickly as I could and began to wonder how much time I had left to live.

I hadn't even been dating this guy for a month and I was already dropping the L-word. This was firm ground for a break-up because I had suddenly turned into a clingy psychopath in the span of one sentence. I think it was a new record - from sane to crazy in two words.

I didn't hear from him for a couple days after that, which is normal, JDate Guy gets very busy with work towards the end of the week and it's very rare that I hear from him during that time, but that didn't stop me from wanting to crawl the walls in anticipation waiting to hear if we were actually going to go out on Sunday or if I was going to get the break-up via blow-off. Because I just couldn't stand it anymore, but I couldn't allow myself to call him, I called my friend Kimi and told her what had happened.

Me: I didn't mean it! I swear I didn't mean it!
Kimi: Lauren, you're acting like you called his mother a whore.
Me: I dropped the L-word, Kimi! I can't be dropping the L-word now!
Kimi: [deep sigh] (because I was in a state deserving of a deep sigh) Lauren, you were joking. Of course you didn't mean it, and if he doesn't get that, then you're better off without him.
Me: I know, but it's like I'm trying to sabotage this. I finally met a guy who doesn't act like he's scared of me and I can't help but push it to see how much he can take before he actually does start to freak out on me.
Kimi: You're good like that.
Me: [deep sigh]

JDate Guy ended up calling me a few hours later, not to break-up with me, but to make plans for getting together the next day. He acted like nothing had happened and everything was normal, much to my infinite relief.

He still calls me "Sweetie" sometimes, but I'm getting used to it. That happens when you've suddenly lost the nerve to fight back. My spinal reconstruction is currently a work in progress.