The Adnostic

People often ask me, "Why do people read your blog?" And the answer is simple, because funny shit happens to me. I am a magnet for the most random and hysterical occurrences. Like the goodbye lunch we had for a co-worker today.

We were having lunch in the park across the street from the office, when a young woman approached us and asked if we were with the art camp. Let's just call her Powder for the sake of the narrative...

Powder: My mom signed me up for art camp and I've been walking around this park for the last two hours trying to find it. I even paid $5 to park.

We point her in the direction of the art museum.

Powder: I've already tried there but they yelled at me and chased me off after they found out I didn't have any ID.
Lynn: Do you want something to eat?
Power: Yeah! Thanks, I haven't eaten in two days.
Me: Two days? Here, have some crackers too.
Powder: Thanks. My mom sent to a spa camp a couple weeks ago and I was like the oldest person there.
Craig: Huh. I guess you didn't get much action then, did you?
Powder: No.
Me: Spa camp?

Suddenly her phone rings.

Powder: Hi.... but I'm okay.... no.... nooooooo.... NOOOOOOOO!
[she throws the relatively new Palm Treo to the ground]
Powder: [crying] I slept at this guy's place last night, and we didn't have sex or anything, but now my mom is calling all my friends trying to find me and she's also called the cops.
Thomas: How old are you?
Powder: I'm almost 18. Oh my GOD! I have to get rid of the coke!
Thomas: You may want to do that in the bathroom.
Powder: I don't care!
Me: We might.
[Powder proceeds to take the cocaine out of her wallet, run over to the nearest trashcan, throw it away, and run back]
Thomas: She's going to be digging through that trashcan as soon as she lands.

[A siren wails in the background]
Craig: Hey listen! They're coming for you.
Powder: Oh no! What do I do? I know! I'll call my dad. He was in AA for 10 years. He'll totally understand.
Thomas: You might want to hold off on calling anyone right now.
Powder: Shit! It's my mom. She's such a witch. I hate her. Do you guys want to hear the message she's leaving me?
Message: Hi, it's your mother. Please call me back as soon as you get this. It's very important.
Powder: She's so mean and awful! She's going to send me away.
Me: To where? Spa camp?
[Powder is crying again]
Powder: Who do I call? Who do I call? I know! I'll call my therapist!
Thomas: Why don't you take a break for the next ten minutes and not call anyone?

[Suddenly Powder's mother appears out of nowhere]
Powder: [sobbing] Mmmmoooommmm! I'm so sorry Mom!
Powder's Mom: It's okay honey.
[the mother starts leading her drugged out daughter away]
Powder's Mom: I'll have her back in a few minutes.
Thomas: Umm, we're not the art camp.

[we take a break to try and figure out what just happened as Powder sobs uncontrollably in the background]

Thomas: That was a quintessential LA moment.
Me: Spa camp?