The Adnostic

I met Jelly today for a little shopping starting at Sephora, where we found Jessica Simpson's Dessert product line and had a few giggles at the Belly Button Gloss. Ew. Does Sephora know that they're hocking sex products? Does pure little Jessica know? Why would I buy a sex aid from a girl who was a virgin when she was married and thinks buffaloes have wings? I hope it tanks and I'm taking a trip to the Pleasure Chest.

Anyways, I had a gift certificate to Victoria's Secret burning a hole in my pocket and had been lamenting over my boring underwear collection. Poor JDate Guy shouldn't be dating a girl with a boring underwear drawer. He deserves a girl who wears lacey bras and skimpy panties, instead he gets a brunette who's afraid to wax and thinks the Victoria's Secret low rise bikini briefs are the best invention since lycra blended fabric. So what do I end up getting while I'm in VS's? Low rise cotton bikini briefs. (sigh)

Off to Bloomingdale's to cruise the sale rack. I found a couple bras to try, nice lacey ones too, and I decided to try something new - I asked the sales clerk to measure me for the right bra size. I had always relied on guessing and trying them on. The nice sales girl wrapped her measuring tape around my rib cage, then around my breasts, and announced that I am a 32D.

I'm a D?! Now, I was traumatized when I discovered that my breasts had grown from a respectable 34B to a 34C two years ago, and this little high schooler is telling me I'm a D?! Sure, it's a decrease from a 34 to a 32, which affects the cup size, but it's still a D. Ds are huge. Cs are large, but they're not overwhelming. D's are ginormous! If my breasts grow anymore, which they will, I'm going to jump to a Double D. DD?! I can't go into repeating letters!

Is this going to adversely effect me at work? I give a presentation or go in for an interview and all they walk away with is, "Nice girl. Big tits. I wonder if she's smart?"

What about dating? Are guys suddenly going to not be able to look me in the eye? It's not like I can blame them, if I were faced with a pair of Ds I'd be a little distracted too.

I guess I just have to face the fact that I have inherited the dreaded Isaacson boobs. I get the Isaacson brows, the Isaacson skinny calves, and now it's official - I get the boobs too. So I suppose that a Miracle Bra is a little redundant at this point?