The Adnostic

Last night I came home around 1am after a fabulous dinner and the company a good friend from out of town to find a homeless person sleeping on my porch. This is what I get for moving from Orange to WeHo, transients using my stoop as a bed. No big deal though, he left plenty of room for me to get into the house.

Unfortunately I must have rattled my keys a little too loudly because my un-bathed guest awoke and immediately began verbally berating me.

"Aw, fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!"

Now, at this point I still haven't said a single solitary word to the guy. I wasn't asking him to leave; I was just trying to get into my house. So I did something in retrospect that was very silly, I answered in kind.

"Fuck you. I live here."

That was when he continued to wish me an abundant sex life and threw the welcome mat he was sleeping on at me. He missed and started walking away, but not before asking, "What's the name of your god?!"

"Um, God." You see Jews never saw the point in naming God considering that there is only one. Giving Him a name would be a little redundant.

"You don't even know your god's name! Fuck you! You don't even know your god's name!"

I rolled my eyes, went inside and locked the door. Sleepy/Grumpy attacked my trash cans and went to find another place to spend the night.

Hopefully such encounters with the local color will be few and far between.